Karin's Answers

So it’s now February 1, 2018 and I can officially start off the new year without this being about the new year…lol.  I didn’t want this to be another new years resolution that I’m never going to keep.  🙂

My husband’s aunt moved in with us about 6 months ago and it’s been fine for the most part.  She’s not so old that she can’t take care of herself, she’s just to old to be alone.  That being said we do butt heads.  I’m an over the top neat freak, I can’t help it.  I know when there are knives or glasses, or plates missing and it drives me insane because I know they are sitting somewhere dirty.  I hate it when people take food or drinks in any room but the dining room or kitchen and it drives me crazy when they don’t bring their dishes back to the kitchen.  I can’t stand it when you leave laundry in the washing machine or dryer, I hate clothes on the floor, I think trash belongs in the garbage and not on the counter, and I think if you’re finished with something you should put it away immediately.  So auntie is completely different.  I adore her but she’s an over the top slob.  She is constantly eating food in her bedroom and the living room, she can’t seem to bring her dishes to the kitchen, she’s got garbage everywhere, and always leaves stuff lying around, etc..etc..etc.  You get the idea.  Now I’m really fine with that, it reminds me of my husband because he’s the same way.  My only thing is that if we are going to live together you have to let me pick up after you, I’m not asking anyone to be as clean as me, I’m only asking that you let me be as clean as I need to be.  I’ve told her this from day one and she’s always seemed okay with it, until today.

I noticed last night one of my steak knives was missing, not a big deal right?  I figured it was in auntie’s room.  When I looked this morning it wasn’t anywhere to be found so I asked her about it.  She said it was in her room, she had used it to cut an apple (ugh!).  I went to her room and looked around, found 3 spoons, 2 forks, and finally the missing knife.  I took them all and put them in the sink, just like I do with all of her dishes every morning (although apparently I missed the silverware).  Not a big deal, or so I thought.  A few minutes later she comes to my office and tells me she’ll buy her own knives, I’m dumbfounded.  Why would she do that?  I told her it wasn’t necessary I just wanted to be able to wash the knife.  Does she think if she bought her own set of knives it would really make a difference??  I wouldn’t want to clean those too??  It doesn’t make any sense.  Then she says it’s just time to move out.  I tell her she doesn’t need to move, we want her to stay, but she’s “I am and as soon as possible”.  (Heavy sigh)  I understand she’s going through a hard time right now, it’s hard to give up everything you know and move to a city you haven’t lived in for over 40 years and not know anyone and not be able to drive.  I’m sure she misses her husband and her freedom but come on!  Adjust and move on, it’s just time to adjust and move on.

Anyway, lately I can be very emotional and at this point I’m upset.  I have to call my husband and he is going to be upset because he is adamant she stay with us, he’s making plans to add on a granny flat for her so she can have her own space (joy, more for me to clean).   So I call him and he gets upset, as predicted, “Great, now I have to worry about this too”…his words, not mine.  WHATEVER!!  This upsets me even more and of course I cry and of course this upsets him more and then we get off the phone.  Five minutes later he calls back to tell me it will all be okay and I’m sure it will be.  Whether she stays or moves out, it doesn’t matter.  She’s better off staying, and she’d be a fool to try to live on her own again.  But, she’s an adult, she has to do what’s best for her.  Right?!

So I guess the point to all of this is I’m not going to sweat it.  I do a lot for the people I love.  I cook, I clean, I help in whatever way I can.  Yes, sometimes I go a bit overboard but I never ask anyone to change, I just do what I have to do to stay sane and it’s all done out of love.  I want you to live in a clean and healthy environment and I’m willing to do it all myself to make it happen.  If you can’t see that and appreciate that then go be alone and even more miserable, there’s nothing I can do about it.  Now I’m sure that in a couple of days when my husband gets home things will be okay.  He’ll talk to her and she’ll get upset again and then everything will be okay, that’s the way it works with him.  In the end life goes one.  It always does.  Deal with it.