Karin's Answers

I’ll be the first to admit that I LOVE money, who doesn’t, but I’ll also admit that it is the root of all evil.  Everything bad that I’ve ever done in my life was a direct result of needing money.  How did my life end up so screwed up??  I ask myself this question every day and yet I don’t do anything to change it….odd that it works that way right?  NOT!

What is that saying……If we don’t change we remain the same?  Or something like that.  Anyway, somehow I’ve gotten it in my mind that I can’t change.  That if I do change then I will end up alone and no one will have anything to do with me.  I buy my friends, I buy my family, I buy my life.  It doesn’t make any sense.  It’s not true and in my heart I know it’s not true but in my head…..in my head I’m not important enough, smart enough, likeable enough without spending a LOT of money.  There’s that BUT again…….

I spend money I don’t have and I’m drowning in debt and it shouldn’t be that way.  I make a good living and my husband makes a great living and yet I’m struggling.  Although in all fairness, my husband and I don’t combine our money.  Sometimes I feel like I’m paying him rent to live in his house.  I know that sounds harsh but I give him more than 1/2 my paycheck and in return he pays all his bills and I have to figure out how to cover all of mine.  I always thought that when I got married I would have more, not less.  I feel like I have less, I don’t, but I feel that way.  That sounds really cruel.  It’s not right.   I love my husband, he’s a great man, and because of him I have a roof over my head, a nice car to drive (that I pay for but he gets all the credit for), and we go on some really nice vacations every year.  I sound bitter when I read this.  Maybe I am.  He always seems to forget that I give him money every payday.  His daughter lives here rent free.  Doesn’t have to pay for anything.  Why do I???  I’m his wife and if anyone should be living here for free it should be me.  I am bitter.

I have to go to sleep….this is to much for 3:30 in the morning.